Things People in Healthy Relationships Don’t Do

1.They don’t rush the present state of their relationships to get to better times ahead.– The thing about obsessing about a happy ending is that you forget to enjoy the journey along the way. Right now is life… don’t miss it! You need to enjoy the company you care to keep, today, while you’re still guaranteed a chance to do so. 2.They don’t expect their relationships to solve all their problems.– While a healthy relationship can certainly bring joy, it’s not anyone else’s job to fill in your empty inner space. That’s your job and yours alone; and until you accept responsibility for your emptiness, pain, or boredom, problems will inevitably ensue and persist in the relationship. 3.They don’t expect their relationships to be easy.– Long-tern relationships are amazing, but rarely easy. Resisting the hard times and seeing them as immediate evidence that something is wrong or that you’re with the wrong person only aggravates the difficulties. By contrast, finding the willingness to view the challenges as an opportunity to learn will give you the energy and strength you need to continue to move forward and grow your relationship to the next level. 4.They don’t let fear overpower their love and trust.– You never lose by loving; you lose by holding back. No relationship is impossible until you refuse to give it a chance. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Without this trust, a relationship cannot survive. You cannot just believe what you fear from others; you have to believe in the good faith of others. If you are ever going to have someone trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. 5.They don’t keep secrets.– Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and when trust is broken it takes time and willingness on the part of both people involved to repair it and heal. All too often, I’ll hear a coaching client say something like, “I didn’t tell her but I didn’t lie about it, either.” This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies. If you’re covering up your tracks in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth is revealed and trust in the relationship is broken. Speak the truth, no matter what the consequences. Being honest is the only way to be at peace with yourself and others. 6.They don’t fake their feelings.– Do not contrive to be a loving person: work to be a real person instead. Being real is being loving. 7.They don’t hide who they are.– There’s nothing better for your happiness and your relationships than for you to be at your best, showing everyone in every way who you are and what you stand for. 8.They don’t look to others for validation of their identity.– Never wait around for someone else to give you permission to be yourself. You don’t need anyone’s validation to be happy or to live a good life. That’s a state of mind only you can create, and then bring in to the relationship with you. 9.They don’t hold hateful grudges.– It’s a good time, right now, for letting go. Let’s not drag angst into tomorrow. Let’s regroup, make amends where we can, and move on. Make peace with people as much as you are able. Even if forgiveness doesn’t equal reconciliation, lay down the sword and let it be. Life is too short. 10.They don’t focus on the unchangeable past.– Sometimes happiness in relationships amounts to making peace with something that can’t be fixed. Sometimes you let it go, and sometimes you hold it broken. It amounts to forgiveness in any case. 11.They don’t expect their loved ones to always be strong.– Sometimes people let us down because they can’t hold us up. “I can’t carry you” doesn’t mean, “I don’t love you.” It may simply mean, “I’m struggling too.” 12.They don’t focus on people’s flaws.– Do your best to maintain sincere love in your heart for others. The more you see the good in them, the more good you will uncover in yourself. 13.They don’t give out of obligation, or because they want to be paid back.– Do something special for someone you love, and for a stranger today. Do it because you can and because it makes the world a happier place. Always give more than you take. When you shift your attitude from “how can I gain” to “how can I give,” you’ll be amazed at the gifts you receive. Truth be told, the most successful people in the most successful relationships are looking for ways to help others. The most unsuccessful people are still asking, “What’s in it for me?”