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‘You are A Broke Half-wit If You Place Your Money In Betting’

I wanted to write a polite feature story about the current betting craze in the country. One of the editors disagreed.
So I have decided to take a gamble with my column. Remember me in your prayers tonight dear readers. Pray that I will still have a job by Monday.
Now, onto the day’s business. Do you bet on sports? If your answer is “yes”, then let me be the first to tell you this; you are a pathetic little boy. A child. A small boy still clutching at your mother’s skirt, too timid to let go or even to go out and make your own money like real men do.
If you are a 30-year-old man and all you have to show for it is a betting account and screenshots of ‘winning’ messages from the betting companies, you are a weak-minded mama’s boy.
You still have your mama’s milk on your lip; I can smell it from here. Betting is for losers.
Betting is for broke and lazy fools swimming in debt. Idiots who think the roadmap to riches is a shortcut that comes in the name of “betting”.
Investopedia.com suggests that betting is a zero-sum game where one person’s gain is another’s loss. I’ll chew that for you, you dunderheads with those silly accounts. It means money gets out of your pocket straight into the betting service owner’s bank account.
There is no jackpot you bunch of idle peasants; the only jackpot is in the pockets of the betting service owner.
BRAIN DEAD
These boys who place bets are not only financially poor, but also intellectually bankrupt. They are brain dead ditzy morons. They don’t see betting for the pyramid scheme it is.
They don’t see how the owners of these platforms are feeding off their greed for quick cash.
Betting is a get-rich-quick scheme that never was and never will be.
The proprietors make more money in a day than the Sh23 million they offer you as ‘jackpots”.
Wake up you, you horde of underachievers.
Betting does not provide sports fans with alternative income generating methods. That is such tedious PR drivel.
There are only two parties generating income here; the owners and the beneficiaries of the advertising. The rest of you and your Sh20,000 bets are just details.
You will remain poor for the rest of your life; placing bets on losing teams from your servants’ quarter in South B or one-bedroom apartment in Ruaka.
LOSERS
Some of you are so pathetic; you can’t even pick a winning team to bet your money on. You are not only a loser, but you also support and bet on a losing team. How tragic can your life be?
Stop bothering us on Twitter with screenshots of your paltry gains of Sh35,000. A man who is turned on by Sh 35,000 is not meant for greatness.
Your peers are out there winning tenders and closing deals worth millions. Your age mates are opening bank accounts to stash their cash as you nurse your account from the discomfort of the backseat of a Rongai matatu.
Keep your Sh30,000 peanuts to yourself. Send those screenshots to your mother. We don’t care how much you won.
Don’t litter our Twitter and Facebook timelines with confirmations of your idiocy.
There is not a single sane woman in this town that would date or even marry a man who bets. A woman who dates such a man is a tragedy by herself.
I am cock-sure she must be one of those shisha-smoking Instagram types that are impressed with a six-pack of Guaranas.
The rest of us successful and upwardly mobile women would rather swallow our stilettos than be seen with a man who bets.
Njoki Chege
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